I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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