To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
