The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
