my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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