Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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