Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
