They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
