I think my vagina is haunted
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
