I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
