I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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