Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
