her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
