I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
