Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
