This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
