the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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