You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
