He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
