guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
