Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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