ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
