he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Are my feet made of real feet?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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