I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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