we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
