you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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