Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
