I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
