OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
