I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
