she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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