it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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