Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my sisters under your porch take her home
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
