I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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