He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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