Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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