idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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