dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
