So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Im part way to drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
