he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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