But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
