i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
