Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
