What did we do last night that was yellow?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
