She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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