Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
