the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
