i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
