I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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