Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
