Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
